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Monday, October 27 - Well... I was sitting on the bus earlier this afternoon and thinking... just thinking... thinking about a lot of things... I worked out a number of headings to write under in this blog."Trust is missing/That Spark" It's like... you wonder why you have to do something that I don't have to do. And you ask. And you have no fucking clue do you. It's like. You have that thing where it's natural to you. Where you can do something and do it well. You can make a fool of yourself and you don't give a crap. And everyone thinks your funny. And everyone loves you. Well... it's not like that for me. I'll try and do something but you people dont find it funny. And people don't laugh. And people think i'm stupid. I don't trust these people enough to do something out there and hope i get a laugh. In my opinion you all all shit heads who love yourselves and each other and I am one of the few odd wheels out. You don't appear to me to be the sort of people who would let me do something and laugh at me. Laugh at what I was doing, rather than my stupidness. Just because i'm not as talented as you doesn't mean I don't maybe wanna try sometime. I don't trust you people not to make fun of me and call me stupid. So until you grow up i'm not going to do anything special. I'm not noticed. When I was still in my junior uniform you noticed Anna was, and you noticed Solange was. But only two fucking people in the class noticed I was. I am insignificant. And even more this year than last. Lask year at least the bloody teacher knew I was alive and maybe even cared for the fact. This year the teacher doesn't, and none of you do, so congratulations! You are one of the things I will be glad to be rid of next year! (Dedicated to my drama class). "Glad to Go" Yeah. I know. Title seems very much like i'm going to say something that will very much offend my friends and make my enemies pleased (not that I have any, friends that is). Anyway... At the moment I fell that I am in need of a change. I feel like it's time to throw away myself and turn into someone else. Me. I feel like new people will change me. I will adapt and i will learn to fight. This might help at the end of year 12 too. If i don't make any friends I have noone to let go of really. "Something i'll never be" What you want, is always just out of reach. It's really the only thing that keeps us from killing ourselves. For those people who suffer from abuse and neglect the prospect of being something different, of surviving adversity and defeating all the odds is the only thing keeping them from taking a pocket knife to their wrists in the middle of the night. For the people with the perfect life, believe it or not, it's harder. Those adolescents who grow up with the average 2.4 kids per family seem to have an advantage over others. It SEEMS that somehow they were good in a past life and now they're being rewarded. But let me tell you something, nobody is as perfect as they seem. These 'prefect' children grow up bored and restless, and have to try and find something constructive to do in their future years. For the people who don't survive the system. The people that do end up killing themselves. Well, they make it much funner for the rest of us. It gives us something to talk about. People to be scared off. If somebody you know commits suicide it gives you the bastardly feeling that you did something wrong. Setting off a chain of emotions (depression, guilt, angst, confusion, cowardice, and sympathy) which eventually may lead to the death of someone else. Oh how grand is life. For those people, like me who have found this little pathway on the road of life I ask you this. Which person do you want to be on Wednesday afternoon? (for the core of the people) "Skating the Edge" I was bored yesterday afternoon... So I decided to read a book. any guesses for which one i picked? It's called Skating the edge. It's about this girl, Caitlin, who goes to an adolescent psychiatric hospital. It alternates chapters. One half of them are about how she was put in their in the first place. And the other half are about whats happening there at the moment. Let me tell you about it. Okay. Caitlin has an older brother and two parents. She was smart enough to get a Scholarship to the best Public school in the district but not as smart as her brother. She loves her brother lots. Her brother is really good at skating. His girlfriend, Candy, becomes his manager. Cait reckons this girl is only using her brother for his potential income. So in the end she throws some rocks at her house's window and gets arrested. In fact, Candy had moved house because her dad went bankrupt and escaped to South America. At the Hospital Cait meets some people Anna - Anna is pretty main characterish. She's absolutely gorgeous. In love with Luka. Sexually abused constantly by her father. Drinks. Dyes her hair magenta. Suicide about 2/3 of the way through the book because she thought she was pregnant. Jay - Jay's a bit of a bitch. Angry. Dredlocks. Best friends with Anna. Shares a room with Cait. Charlie - One of the main group. Not much else to say about her. Helen - Gives Anna drugs. Makes her high. Runs away a lot. Libby - Anorexic. About 13 or 14. Wasn't allowed out of her bed until she put on weight. Wouldn't dye her hair with the others. Luka - Male. One of the nurses. Thought him and Anna being together was fate. Got into a fight with her father after he found out about them. Shaun - One of the nurses. My fav character! Doesn't play much of a role though. All the others are screwed up. It's pretty sad really. Sorta depressing. But I can see myself in the characters. "Stormy Weather" How cool was the hail storm? Our living room roof leaked so we spent most of the time putting gum boots underneath the drips. Fun fun fun. Hail is gorgeous. The only thing I think is prettier than rain. "done" Nothing much more I wanna talk bout... sleep good... crumble | 9:19 pm
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aoi's design from SCRATCH © 2004
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DOB: 8th of October COUNTRY: Australia & Kangaroos
FAMILY: Mum, Dad, Mitchie, Claudia PETS: Tom the Sexy Beast FEELING:   
likes... buffy the vampire slayer, greys anatomy, glass house, kumars at #42, spicks and specks, west wing, angel, gilmore girls, dark angel, firefly, stargate, lord of the rings, star wars, the simpsons, crossing jordan, tru calling, ally mcbeal, bradley whitford, dominic monaghan, david wenham, rupert grint, james masters, anthony stewart head, elvis, hilary duff, evanescence, good charlotte, the whitlams, machine gun fellatio (the band), my baby tom, writing, singing in the shower, playing pool, netball, basketball, exams, tidying, chinese food (lemon chicken, sizzling steak, chicken and sweet corn soup, san choi bow, spring rolls, prawn chips), my old friends, my new friends, my other friends, my box, my papyrus, my faerie picture, mount caules story. 
 dislikes... bugs, honey, insects that she thinks are poisonous (all of them!), marmalade, studying, not knowing things, not being able to splel, the english curriculum, vacuuming, the beach, being on stage and not knowing what to do, shopping, gross things, vegemite, olives, dark chocolate, flower smells, the hsc, beetroot, my boobs, pickles, people picking their noses, half-eaten food, playing drama games all lesson and not doing any work, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed studying, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed doing something other than studying, losing money, being fat, when the tv times change and you don't know, mornings, being lonely. |
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