*
*
*
*
*
*
*
|
Saturday, December 18 - HONESTLY. "you've sat on your bum all day""consider christmas over" I can't exactly remember what she said, what with the me ignoring her going on... oh well... don't care, it's fun not caring... i think i might go into my room and do nothing right about now... oh woe is me... is what how u spell woe? i think it is but i'm not too sure... maybe i'll write a bit more academy story... not inspired at the moment... i think there's something wrong with my head... last night i was trying to go to sleep and i was trying to make up stories in my head but none of them were working... i had the buffy/angel one going... the hp one, the real one, the mighty ducks one... but none of them were working out.. maybe i've lost my mojo.. or maybe my muse... i wonder if i have a muse... i wonder what it is... i wonder where it went... i wonder if it's being all musefull to someone else for a change... they're probably nicer than me... oh well... i wonder if pete is actually having that party thingey tonight... heard nothing so i'm assuming 'no' but oh well... i won't be allowed to go anyway... because i dont help around the house and i'm a useless lazy ninny who just happens to live here... remember... if life was easy, we'd all be done by now. my brother is burping and it's extremely disgusting... burping is one of those things that i find mortally disturbing... completely gross... and uncalled for... so glad it is socially unaccepted... my family are now fighting over who ate the last icecream... i have proceeded to lock myself in the study for some peace... or maybe just because i feel better being locked in a room... people have to knock... security reasons... Shakespeare "To be or not to be, --that is the question:-- Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?" "O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die." "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry". "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so". "All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts" "Can one desire too much of a good thing?" "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool". "If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?". "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt". "Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war". "As he was valiant, I honor him; but, as he was ambitious, I slew him" "Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. / Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me most strange that men should fear; / Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come". "There's daggers in men's smiles". "Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it; he died as one that had been studied in his death to throw away the dearest thing he owed, as't were a careless trifle". "I am a man more sinned against than sinning" "Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them" "Love sought is good, but giv'n unsought is better" "Everyone can master a grief but he that has it". "These words are razors to my wounded heart". "The common curse of mankind, - folly and ignorance". "Nature teaches beasts to know their friends" Do you want to know the truth? The truth is that i'm terrified that i'm going to live a bad life and yet i won't do anything about it. I don't help people for nothing, I lie, I only care about myself, ahh and the list goes on... since it's the holidays and all i think i may go into my room and not come out for three days... duno if i can stick to it... i'll have to come out to go to the bathroom... and shower... but i can stay in there for a while... i'll skip the eating... i had my first whole meal in 3 days today for lunch... and i couldn't eat it... so i got yelled at for being wasteful... but u cant call it being "yelled" at... it was more like i was spoken to... with a harsh voice... from father... i've always wanted to be one of those kids who had a bad childhood... i know, i'm crazy... but like i just want the excuse... i want an excuse to be bad, to do things wrong and to not care... but i don't have one so when i'm bad it's completely my fault... which kinda sucks... and i always wanted to go to boarding school... coz i thought it would be fun.. but i never went... it's one of those greener grass things... if i went to boarding school i'd probably want to live with my folks... i wonder how the tone of these posts comes across... i mean i know the tone i'm using but it probably doesnt come across without the emphasis and gestures and all that... [can i say and emphatic movement?]... all i know is that i made my mum real angry... and she's the nicest person, she barely ever gets really angry... most of the time it is with me... generally about me not wanting to go to school... i'm blaming my un-schoolish-enthusiasm [or the 2% of it that i dont blame on myself] on my brother... he never liked school... hated it with a vengeance if i remember correctly... he kicked the principal... ran away a couple of times... this is before he went to the school i go to now... so he was about year 4... so he was about 10 or so... i remember i was in class one day and we could hear some kid screaming or something and it was him... and someone asked me about it... but i think i kinda shrugged... mum and dad kept me out of things... or maybe i kept myself out of things... but anyway i didn't know much about it... maybe he was in year 3... he went to another school for a while... a fun school.. i was jealous... they went on excursions all the time and didn't really do any work and stuff... so maybe my un-schoolish-enthusiam is my way of somehow hoping that i can go to a fun school and meet cool people and go on excursions all the time... anyway i just get mum angry... This is gonna sound pretty terrible but mitchie and me can both kinda control mum... not control in the strictest sense... more like she kinda has little power over us... u can tell i dont want to write this because i keep undermining my sentences by using 'kinda' before stuff... but anyway i get grounded but i'm allowed out... i get yelled at but i never have to say sorry... she's the best mum in the world but i can stand up to her... she doesn't fight with mitchie much anymore i dont think... probably something to do with his living away from home alot and his maturity level which has to be at least 15 gold stars above mine... She hasn't attempted to enter the room since she yelled at me... dad wanted his shoes but that's about it... before it was every time she passed the tv she'd yell... she must be cooling down... or outside working... um... so my mood is slightly better... still not the happiest chappy... got my head out of buffy a little bit last night by watching D3 and playing sims in the ads... i like the mighty ducks... can't help it... i'm a sucker for the crappy feel good film genre... So this is a venting post... haven't had a real one of these in a while... my blog used to be full of them... i used to write about dreams and my day at school and vent about stuff... but it's kinda become an Oz shrine lately... oh well... u win some u lose some... Isn't buffy dating riley a bit unethical? "don't be a bad child" Maybe i can't help it... maybe badness is in my nature and i haven't embraced it yet... maybe inside i'm really one of those children who gets drunk and who does drugs and all that shit... one of those kids who doesn't come home for days, who fails school... maybe thats the real me, and i'm trying so hard not to be like me that i dont realise who i really am... although for that to make sense i would have to know who i really was, so i could try to be not like it... I like this paragraph "He didn't have a house yet, so it wasn't like he had a designated table to sit at. So he could sit at any of them, he figured. But as he passed table after table, each one filled to the brim with students who only regarded him with unfamiliarity and he was therefore unwelcome at, he began to wonder if it meant he could sit at none of them." crumble | 4:45 pm
|
|
aoi's design from SCRATCH © 2004
|
|
DOB: 8th of October COUNTRY: Australia & Kangaroos
FAMILY: Mum, Dad, Mitchie, Claudia PETS: Tom the Sexy Beast FEELING:   
likes... buffy the vampire slayer, greys anatomy, glass house, kumars at #42, spicks and specks, west wing, angel, gilmore girls, dark angel, firefly, stargate, lord of the rings, star wars, the simpsons, crossing jordan, tru calling, ally mcbeal, bradley whitford, dominic monaghan, david wenham, rupert grint, james masters, anthony stewart head, elvis, hilary duff, evanescence, good charlotte, the whitlams, machine gun fellatio (the band), my baby tom, writing, singing in the shower, playing pool, netball, basketball, exams, tidying, chinese food (lemon chicken, sizzling steak, chicken and sweet corn soup, san choi bow, spring rolls, prawn chips), my old friends, my new friends, my other friends, my box, my papyrus, my faerie picture, mount caules story. 
 dislikes... bugs, honey, insects that she thinks are poisonous (all of them!), marmalade, studying, not knowing things, not being able to splel, the english curriculum, vacuuming, the beach, being on stage and not knowing what to do, shopping, gross things, vegemite, olives, dark chocolate, flower smells, the hsc, beetroot, my boobs, pickles, people picking their noses, half-eaten food, playing drama games all lesson and not doing any work, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed studying, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed doing something other than studying, losing money, being fat, when the tv times change and you don't know, mornings, being lonely. |
 |
|
|
