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Wednesday, July 20 - Sax and Violins - Talking Heads Sue sent me a sms yesterday to tell me that I got 20/20 for my business studies assignment which I was pretty pleased about. Today I run into my teacher between classes and she says that my assignment wasn't worth 20/20 but she gave it to me because with the other assignments taken into account she gave me a little leg up and gave me 20.No congratulations, no it must've taken you hours, no good job. I mean honestly, 20/20 is the only acceptable mark and the one time in the past 6 years that I actually get it the teacher tells me I didn't really deserve it. I don't want to bitch about it. Who am I kidding, I want to scream from the rafters that I put heaps of effort into this assignment and can't she just lie and say it was really good. But i'm tired. And i'm sick of doing all this for a result that is less than adequate. Sitting in maths today and I did alright. Peter was drawing on me but I copied down the notes fine and pretended to understand them. English was a bit less interesting, talked and read about frontline, avoided being called on to read a part. She never picks me. Okay she's picked me once, ever, to read a part out loud. And I think i'm stupid for hoping not to be picked then complaining about not being picked. Then we had Ancient and I didn't pay any attention, all I wanted to do was go home and drown myself in the bath or something. IPT was no better. Hard to be invisible in a class of 8, probably why I miss half the lessons. I don't skip it on purpose but I don't make any effort to attend. Film club was my only laughter of the day, we watched the screen tests for the two main speaking parts, it was amusing but not something I couldn't have lived without. Drama kept me busy last period, trying to do group work but not having much heart left. I think my heart is broken, not after some boy, not because of some crush. I think one day it just stopped working, ran out of batteries or something because I just don't feel very happy at the moment. Oh and the head of Sr. school spoke to year 12 when we got our jerseys back saying that the motivational day they had organised on friday was important and they did it because some people had been feeling un-motivated and all that and I really really wanted to hit her with something, preferably a base ball bad. Did I mention this before? Mum called up the head of Sr. School one day when I refused to go to school and went in to school to talk to her about me. Worried, they say. Pushy, I hear. Anyway I had to go see Mrs. Head of Sr. School the next monday, she ambushed my IPT teacher and told him to send me to the office when I got to class. I'd been all good and made an appointment on the friday because thats when she wanted to see me but she was called away from school so I was hoping that would be the end of it. So anyway I went to see her and it was all crap and stupid and pointless and (I'm becoming more and more angry as I think about it) made me feel worse about myself. I don't want to plan my life because I don't want a life. Not really, not particularly. Raskal King - Mighty Mighty Bosstones Mrs Head of Sr. School said she was going to set up an appointment with the school psychologist for me and talk to my temp. ancient history teacher about dropping it and going down to 10 units. She never did anything, to my great delight so I pretend it never happened. I'm not okay but I'm not allowed to tell anybody that. And you're not allowed to talk to me about it because it just makes it worse and then I feel guilty about it and then everything just screws up. And + i'll probably yell at you. Or do bad things that I promised Helani I would stop doing at least two years ago, I lied when I promised. Oh and no talking about it either. In fact just forget about it completely right now. Bat out of hell - Meatloaf Is a cry for help really a cry for help if nobody hears it? You know, the tree falling in the forest but nobody's around, does it actually make a noise senario. Oh the above wasn't a cry for help, I'm thinking about a previous cry. Waah. Lol. I don't understand how I made it through the day today. I just don't understand how it happened, suddenly I was at the end of the day and then at home, then watching stargate, now im on the computer. Now i'm going to lock myself in the room for the rest of the night. crumble | 6:25 pm
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aoi's design from SCRATCH © 2004
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DOB: 8th of October COUNTRY: Australia & Kangaroos
FAMILY: Mum, Dad, Mitchie, Claudia PETS: Tom the Sexy Beast FEELING:   
likes... buffy the vampire slayer, greys anatomy, glass house, kumars at #42, spicks and specks, west wing, angel, gilmore girls, dark angel, firefly, stargate, lord of the rings, star wars, the simpsons, crossing jordan, tru calling, ally mcbeal, bradley whitford, dominic monaghan, david wenham, rupert grint, james masters, anthony stewart head, elvis, hilary duff, evanescence, good charlotte, the whitlams, machine gun fellatio (the band), my baby tom, writing, singing in the shower, playing pool, netball, basketball, exams, tidying, chinese food (lemon chicken, sizzling steak, chicken and sweet corn soup, san choi bow, spring rolls, prawn chips), my old friends, my new friends, my other friends, my box, my papyrus, my faerie picture, mount caules story. 
 dislikes... bugs, honey, insects that she thinks are poisonous (all of them!), marmalade, studying, not knowing things, not being able to splel, the english curriculum, vacuuming, the beach, being on stage and not knowing what to do, shopping, gross things, vegemite, olives, dark chocolate, flower smells, the hsc, beetroot, my boobs, pickles, people picking their noses, half-eaten food, playing drama games all lesson and not doing any work, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed studying, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed doing something other than studying, losing money, being fat, when the tv times change and you don't know, mornings, being lonely. |
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