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Wednesday, July 23 - I would like to post a short post about 'blog sensoring'... It is a wildly debated topic but something I have never really discussed with myself in detail. You see... my blog is a place where I write about my day, about things I would normally not tell anyone, about how I feel and so on and so forth... but the problem with knowing that certain people read my blog brings up the issue of sensoring... Normally I would spill my guts... talk about everything and everyone I like and hate... but I can't... I worry that If I write what I really feel people will think i'm weird... and try and help me... and I don't need help... although sometimes the offer is very nice...If I knew that nobody read this blog I would say that I had a bad day today... and I worked out that bread knives never cut you when you want them too... Scissors don't work either... of maybe it's just mine... coz mine r very very blunt... but I have the perfect scissors... Today wasn't good... Today was terrible... in fact today convinced me quite nicely to leave school altogether and get a job or something... If I was SURE that nobody read this blog I would say that I wrote in the back of my science book **Dorothy - "I hate myself"**... It's about me but I wrote Dorothy to distract people... hehehe... I want to make a movie... I want to write one called ALICE... it's a good idea... It's a great idea... It's perfect... I wouldn't be able to make it because it needs special effects and stuff and that would cost money that I don't seem to have at the moment... grrrrrrr... Mother thinks I have self esteem issues and Mitchie thinks my self esteem is low... but I duno... sometimes... I have mood swings... I hate photos of me... and I hate mirrors... lots and lots and lots... we had to do aerobics today and I was doing them but I had to move over a bit and I could see myself in the big mirror... I freaked... I got sad... coz I hate myself and so forth... List of thinks Wilson cannot do: :: Wilson cannot ever wear nice clothes :: Wilson cannot sing :: Wilson cannot write poetry/stories/essays etc. :: Wilson cannot draw/paint/colour in etc. :: Wilson cannot cross multiply :: Wilson cannot do her hair nicely :: Wilson cannot make things with hammers and wood :: Wilson cannot garden :: Wilson cannot pass computing :: Wilson cannot read well :: Wilson cannot run very far :: Wilson cannot defend in netball :: Wilson cannot shoot in netball :: Wilson cannot be nice to her dog :: Wilson cannot smile coz she has bad teeth :: Wilson cannot be happy for someone else because she's selfish and vain :: Wilson cannot be nice :: Wilson cannot help :: Wilson cannot... Mum just came in to try and find out why I was cranky... I was sarcastic... bad me... oh well... I hate it when ur rambling and saying that ur bad at something and then someone comes and says that they are worse... It doesn't help... not at all... it just makes u feel guilty for feeling bad about yourself which makes you feel worse which opens up a whole loop thingey which you sit in until your head starts to hurt... I am a fanfic reader right... And in my head all the time I make up my own stories... at this exact moment in time I currently have 4 separate stories going... one L.A. story, one Buffy story, one Angel story, and one other one which i'm not going to go into right now... The busier my life, the more homework I have and the more I am NOT enjoying myself the more fanfics I make up... or at least the more I think about them... the problem with that is that I avoid thinking about the important things and busy myself with these perfect other worlds I concoct... and when I get dragged out of my fake worlds I get angry, bitter, twisted and start to feel bad about my real life... So making up the stories is good up to a point... then it just makes you feel worse... which is a trap I fall into constantly... I'm avoiding doing my homework... maybe I won't come to school tomorrow... murry will suspect I mightn't... I'm upset coz I wrote and posted chapter 7 of my GG fanfic and I haven't got any reviews... :-(... which means either nobody read it or nobody liked it... it makes me feel bad... and this blog is a little fucked up at the moment... or at least my version... coz the imood thing isn't working... if It doesn't work soon i might just take it out for a while... but i'm worried that i'll forget the codeing... and then i'll be stuffed... i think i'll check kitty's and see if her's is working... it seems to be fixed now... although my tagboard seems to be unavailable... i'm reading a good fanfic at the moment... probably not the best thing to be doing while i'm depressed... but it's like alcohol... lets me forget for a while... I think i'm gonna call my horse Tera... coz that's sorta cute... It's 8 10pm... I started this like over an hour ago... but I don't wanna stop... blogging is what keeps me going... grrrrrrrrrrr... crumble | 8:13 pm
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aoi's design from SCRATCH © 2004
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DOB: 8th of October COUNTRY: Australia & Kangaroos FAMILY: Mum, Dad, Mitchie, Claudia PETS: Tom the Sexy Beast FEELING:   
likes... buffy the vampire slayer, greys anatomy, glass house, kumars at #42, spicks and specks, west wing, angel, gilmore girls, dark angel, firefly, stargate, lord of the rings, star wars, the simpsons, crossing jordan, tru calling, ally mcbeal, bradley whitford, dominic monaghan, david wenham, rupert grint, james masters, anthony stewart head, elvis, hilary duff, evanescence, good charlotte, the whitlams, machine gun fellatio (the band), my baby tom, writing, singing in the shower, playing pool, netball, basketball, exams, tidying, chinese food (lemon chicken, sizzling steak, chicken and sweet corn soup, san choi bow, spring rolls, prawn chips), my old friends, my new friends, my other friends, my box, my papyrus, my faerie picture, mount caules story. 
 dislikes... bugs, honey, insects that she thinks are poisonous (all of them!), marmalade, studying, not knowing things, not being able to splel, the english curriculum, vacuuming, the beach, being on stage and not knowing what to do, shopping, gross things, vegemite, olives, dark chocolate, flower smells, the hsc, beetroot, my boobs, pickles, people picking their noses, half-eaten food, playing drama games all lesson and not doing any work, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed studying, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed doing something other than studying, losing money, being fat, when the tv times change and you don't know, mornings, being lonely. |
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