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Friday, January 14 - Going out in style

Long time, no blog...

It really hasn't been that long. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and its only actually been a couple of hours. I should have some faith in the world though, and hope that the sun and the moon have not been tricking me.

Smart people have noticed something interesting with that paragraph.

Last night i was going through my videos, checking they were all labelled correctly and all that. I found a couple of episodes of buffy. There's one episode from season 1. It's buffy's first kiss with Angel, the episode where Darla dies and Buffy finds out Angel is a vampire. Lets just call it Angel. I also found Seeing Red from season 6, ironically the last episode i've watched on DVD just yesterday afternoon. And of course I still have Chosen, which i watched last night. Well mostly, i kinda fast-forwarded some bits, but it shouldn't matter because i've seen it like 20 times... "I'm drowning in footwear". Buffy's last word in the episode is actually "Spike", the only word she says after sunnydale is destroyed. She has the best bed-hair in this episode. "I'm cookiedough", "I'm having a wicked shoe craving" "Aren't you on the patch?" "Those never work", I can't actually remember which episode Chosen is the echo of.. is it Prophecy girl? Argh, i'm off my game.

Maureen just called. She's being a doll and giving me a lift into the city tonight, or this afternoon, I should start getting ready soon. Being picked up in 3 and a half hours and i have to shower and wash hair and straighten hair and stuff... argh...

Did i tell you I was on holidays? I'm not sure if i did. We went up north and stayed in a motel with the name "Palms" in it. It was a little bit dodgy, only the fact that in the room was a double bed, two single beds, a tv, a tiny cupboard, a bar fridge and a mirror. And there was a little bathroom. So three nights, four days that close to my family. And i know i have a great family and they could be a lot worse but still. It was difficult.

Mitchie delt with it by going on long walks at night and going to the beach by himself during the day. Mum spent most of her time reading Bridget 2 and Wuthering Heights. Dad routinely checked the stock market twice a day, and I spent a lot of my time making sure my clothes were neatly packed into my two drawers.

When we go on holidays dad is always the enthusiastic one. He wants to take us places to see things, to do things. Mum goes with him and deals with it. Mitchie and i are more opposed to doing things. Mitchie just wanted to go to the beach, and I just wanted to read my book. We had Domino's pizza twice for dinner and Maccas once. For lunch we had an assortment of boring foods. Rolls one day, fish and chips the next etc etc.

My parents love checking out the real estate, they like driving round and looking at for sale signs as well as looking in the agents windows. Not that they've ever been known to buy anything, its just to think about and to check prices. There was a nice bed'n'breakfast for $1,450,000. It was gorgeous. Huge, like 8 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms etc etc etc. 25 acres. Very nice.

Dad still wants to buy his motel, he doesn't know where yet. I think he wants to be near the beach, or the snow, or the mountains.

I had the beach, I got sunburnt. I am very displeased with myself. The first day mum and mitchie sat at the beach, I went back to the room to read. The second day I decided to be less anti-social so i went with mum to the beach. I am now sunburnt. On my back. And on my feet. And kinda in front of my shoulders. So i pretty much hate myself right about now. For being so irresponsible. I put sunblock on but
I underestimated the power of the sun. So now i think i have skin cancer. And these guys sat in front of us at the beach and were smoking. So i have lung cancer too. I'm a very stupid person. For the rest of the holiday i wore a jacket every time we went outside in the sun.

Got depressed yesterday... no it was the day before... but it was stifled because of the close proximity to my family... ate lots of callipo's while on holidays... mitchie met some girls (he always meets girls), saw the biggest known tree in NSW which i thought was crap and i am morally against, had a delicious lunch at a cafe yesteday on our day home, i had pig and cow (ham and cheese) pizza and TWO chocolate milkshakes, because now and then i allow myself to be a pig. Mum bought me a nice necklace on the way home and mitchie got some incense. Watched Around the world in 80 days, Troy, and The Village. It was interesting, Mitchie's reaction to the village was pretty much completely the same as mine the first time i saw it, I liked it much better the second time, appreciated the directing and use of colour much more, and the score was fantastic. Got woken up every morning by my parents walking around the room or talking or something. Rolled up my clothes so i could pack more stuff.

Mum and mitchie want me to wear my black dress to doris's tonight.. I have nicknamed it my "whore dress" and I don't really want to wear it. I have self-esteem issues I tell you. I'm too fat and my boobs are too big and I just look gross.

Argh, now that made me feel better... should i tell you of an interesting conversation with megan? Or should i write about addiction now. Or i could write about noticing things. I intend to write about all of them, but which one first?

The conversation with megan occurred when i was at her house last thursday, the night before we went to the LOTR thing at the powerhouse. We'd turned the tv off and were talking about tv shows we liked (we kinda have the same TV taste). The conversation flowed from Silversun to Girls in love to Degrassi. And i mentioned Ellie being my favourite character, and I mentioned watching the episode where she was cutting herself...
ME: I watched that episode and it was like... whoa...
MEGAN: memories
ME: *pause* Okay not quite the word i was looking for
But i'm just stupid, and it was pointless, and it is not something to be talked about, and now i've shared it with you i kinda feel like i'm a baby screaming for help or someone to feel sorry for me. I need neither. It was a stupid thing to do and i had no legitimate reason for it, i mean my life is nothing but perfect, but i was just making things worse than they were and exaggerating and being stupid.

Addiction means abusing.
Kicking the habit means sleepless nights. means shaking. means not being able to concentrate.
I haven't got the shaking, but concentrating is sometimes difficult and sleeping is hard. And then I un-kicked the habit. Which means took it up again. Which sucks. I only lasted a couple of hours. Like 7 or so. I'll try again in like 8 minutes. How does that sound?

Did i mention i found an episode of Angel randomly on my video's too? I don't know what its called because i am much less obsessed with Angel than i am with buffy but it's in season 5. The episode when Fred died. So sad! I want to show it to Steph purely for the cavemen-astronaut dialogue. But maybe i'll just find the quotes somewhere.

The episode is called 'A whole in the world'

SPIKE
It's bollocks, Angel! It's your brand of bollocks from the first to last.

ANGEL
No, you can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture!

SPIKE
I am talking about something primal. Right? Savagery. Brutal animal instinct.

ANGEL
And that wins out every time with you.
(in Spike's face)
You know, the human race has evolved, Spike!
(walks away from Spike)

SPIKE
(follows Angel making mocking gestures)
Oh, into a bunch of namby-pamby, self-analyzing wankers who could never hope to—

ANGEL
We're bigger. We're smarter. Plus, there's a thing called teamwork, not to mention the superstitious terror of your pure aggressors!

SPIKE
You just want it to be the way you want it to be.

ANGEL
(yelling)
It's not about what I want!

WESLEY
(walks up to the office door)
Sorry. Is this something we should all be discussing?

ANGEL
(embarrassed to be caught by Wes, backs away from Spike)
No.

WESLEY
It just...sounds a little serious.

ANGEL
It was mostly...theoretical. We...

SPIKE
(calmly)
We were just working out a b—
(passionate again)
Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win?
(crosses his arms and looks expectantly at Wes)

WESLEY
Ah. You've been yelling at each other for 40 minutes about this?
(Angel looks down, Spike stares at Wes, still expecting an answer)
(looks pensive, crosses his arms)
Do the astronauts have weapons?

ANGEL & SPIKE
(simultaneously)
No.

---


SPIKE
(peeved walks over a chair instead of around it)
Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good.
(throws himself into the chair facing Angel's desk; hangs his leg over the chair arm)
Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start.
(shrugs cockily)

ANGEL
Look, I can't do this anymore.
(walks from the window to his desk)

SPIKE
Admitting defeat, are you?

ANGEL
You and me. This isn't working out.

SPIKE
(holds his hand to his chest)
Are you saying we should start annoying other people?

---


FRED
But that doesn't make any sense.

LORNE
I just call it like I see it.

FRED
But the cavemen have fire. That's what they live with in their caves. The astronauts should at least have some sort of weapon.
(notices Wesley walking up the stairs toward them)
Hey there.

---


FRED
Would you read to me some more?

WESLEY
Of course.
(starts to get up, but Fred distracts him)

FRED
(looks at a light over her head)
The light...hurts my eyes, but I don't want you to turn it off. But it hurts my eyes. Everything's so bright and hollow. Cave men win. Of course the cave men win.

---


Thats all the references to the Cavemen-astronaut discussion in the episode... its a good episode... its a Joss episode!!

crumble | 11:43 am

aoi's design from SCRATCH © 2004

NAME: Crumble, Wilson, Forgie
DOB: 8th of October
COUNTRY: Australia & Kangaroos

SCHOOL: Hogwarts
FAMILY: Mum, Dad, Mitchie, Claudia
PETS: Tom the Sexy Beast
FEELING:






likes...

buffy the vampire slayer, greys anatomy, glass house, kumars at #42, spicks and specks, west wing, angel, gilmore girls, dark angel, firefly, stargate, lord of the rings, star wars, the simpsons, crossing jordan, tru calling, ally mcbeal, bradley whitford, dominic monaghan, david wenham, rupert grint, james masters, anthony stewart head, elvis, hilary duff, evanescence, good charlotte, the whitlams, machine gun fellatio (the band), my baby tom, writing, singing in the shower, playing pool, netball, basketball, exams, tidying, chinese food (lemon chicken, sizzling steak, chicken and sweet corn soup, san choi bow, spring rolls, prawn chips), my old friends, my new friends, my other friends, my box, my papyrus, my faerie picture, mount caules story.



dislikes...

bugs, honey, insects that she thinks are poisonous (all of them!), marmalade, studying, not knowing things, not being able to splel, the english curriculum, vacuuming, the beach, being on stage and not knowing what to do, shopping, gross things, vegemite, olives, dark chocolate, flower smells, the hsc, beetroot, my boobs, pickles, people picking their noses, half-eaten food, playing drama games all lesson and not doing any work, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed studying, my father nagging me to study when I am indeed doing something other than studying, losing money, being fat, when the tv times change and you don't know, mornings, being lonely.


Much edited by Wilson © 2004/6

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